A good friend of mine said something to me at dinner this week that really hit me: “Aim Up, Compare Down.”

So many of us drive ourselves crazy by comparing “up.” Rather than enjoying our own circumstances, we lust for the things and traits possessed by others. We crush our own spirit by comparing ourselves to those that are smarter, younger, better looking, more successful, taller, wealthier, better athletes, etc. Unfortunately, this is just a recipe for feeling like shit.

In always comparing up, we lose perspective of where we stand. Instead of appreciating what we are, we obsess about what we’re not. We fail to savor our accomplishments and natural gifts, always grasping for something more in a never-ending futile effort that depletes our confidence and sense of self.

Comparing down, in contrast, helps you realize and enjoy where you are in the moment. It helps you recognize that while there’s always room to grow on your path, you’ve already accomplished the things that only exist in the dreams of others. Sure, there’s always someone with a bigger boat, but never lose sight of those with much less.

I’m sure there are many different ways to interpret the idea of comparing down. To me, it’s not about comparing yourself to other people or being boastful. It’s about comparing “down” to a previous version of you. It’s about recognizing how far you’ve come and realizing that things could always be a lot worse.

Now comparing down isn’t an excuse to stop pushing ahead and striving. That’s where “aiming up” comes in. As far as I can tell, the purpose of life is to realize your full potential and make your biggest possible impact on the world. You won’t get there by aiming (or dreaming) small. Aiming at a target in front of you will propel you to play your best possible game. It will allow you seize the enormous opportunity that’s waiting for you.

So many of us have the formula backwards, don’t we? We aim down because we’re afraid of putting ourselves out there and failing. By playing it “safe”, we end up filled with regret for all the shots we never took. And to top it off, we compare “up.” Envy overwhelms us, starving our own sense of well-being and fulfillment. And with every step forward, we immediately seek something new and shiny to covet instead of appreciating our accomplishments in the moment.

It’s time to turn conventional thinking upside down. It’s time to embrace a fresh perspective that will push you to new heights while embracing the joy you’ve earned at each step along your path.

Forget the traditional approach. Aim Up, Compare Down.

In an era of intense pressure to succeed, we’re often faced with the dilemma to do well OR do good. Our ambitions for money, security, and recognition can drive us to make choices that enrich ourselves while hurting others. The news provides us an endless parade of Bernie Madoffs holding their heads in shame for prioritizing greed above all else.

While you’re probably not a crook, you likely face similar dilemmas on a subtler, yet consistent basis. Should you overbill your client just a tad to boost revenue? Should you make your co-worker look bad to make yourself look good? Should you deliver products or services that are profitable yet overall damaging to society?

Recently, I’ve been bothered by the lyrics of popular rap songs that my kids blast from the car radio. Jay-Z and Kanye West rap about luring young girls into bathroom stalls to “prove why they deserve to have it all.” And the popular rapper Tyga talks with incessant repetitiveness about throwing hundred dollars bills (“hunnits”) on naked strippers.

Now I’m no prude and I’m all for artistic expression. But peddling obnoxious trash to audiences in order to sell more records can’t be making the world a better place. Sure, these “artists” are scoring a bunch of cash. But at what cost?

A simple test you can use when facing a decision is to imagine that your actions will be covered in great detail on the front page of The New York Times the next morning. A big, tell-all feature explaining the choice you made for the whole world to see. Would you be proud of your actions or ashamed by them? Excited to share the story with your friends and family or overwhelmed by humiliation?

You could go one step further and ask yourself if someday your grandkids heard the story, how would you feel? Think Tyga and Kanye would be excited to share their primal lyrics with their 8-year-old granddaughters?

Take a good look in the mirror and examine your career, relationships, parenting style, leadership approach, and level of overall contribution. If that NY Times story was coming out tomorrow, which areas of your life would you wish you could have changed?

Some changes may need to be drastic, while others could be a slight pivot allowing you to contribute value rather than destroy it. Since it’s unlikely the Times will be publishing their story tomorrow, you have the gift of opportunity to make those changes now. So when that story is actually on display, you can beam with pride and know you’ve left a positive mark.

With a little creativity, it’s possible to do well AND do good. Challenge yourself to do the right thing instead of the easy thing, and the rewards will end up being tenfold.

Who knows? Maybe you’ll even enjoy the movie version.

There are few products less sexy that a thermostat. It is a boring, utilitarian commodity, right? The world agreed for over 100 years…until the lead designer of the iPod decided to shake things up.

Tony Fadell took a completely fresh approach and challenged conventional wisdom. Rather than starting with the existing competitive set, he shattered industry norms from design to function. The result? The incredible new device known as the Nest Learning Thermostat.

Besides its distinctive look, this baby ain’t your father’s thermostat. The artificial intelligence “learns” your habits. It has sensors to know when you are away so it doesn’t heat or cool an empty house. It’s connected to the web and evaluates external weather conditions to determine how to best respond inside. You can even control it from a smartphone app on the go.

All this whiz-bang technology does more than fuel your inner geek. The Nest saves its owners an average of 20% off their utility bills and helps reduce our reliance on foreign oil. All the while, it saves the environment by reducing emissions. Cool, huh?

It gets better. From a business perspective, the Nest sells for $250 each, and is completely sold-out. Compare that to the widely available and incredibly boring Honeywell programmable thermostat that sells for $22. That’s right… the sold-out Nest sells for ten times the price of the find-anywhere industry standard.

Once again, innovation carries the day. Even in a commodity business that appeared to offer no room for breakthrough thinking, creative fire has charred competitors into dust overnight.

As author Gary Hamel famously said, “Somewhere there’s an entrepreneur forging a bullet with your company’s name on it. Your only option is to shoot first. You must out-innovate the innovators.” Even if you are enjoying success, the disruptive forces of change can deliver a knockout blow at a moment’s notice. To win today, you need to embody creativity and innovation. There’s just no room for complacency.

Take a good look in the mirror and examine your own business. Are your products and services me-too commodities, or are they truly differentiated? Is there an opportunity to inject new thinking in either form or function to set the new standard?

Imagine there’s a Nest equivalent in your own industry – some upstart that’s just about to shatter the mold and reinvent the business. Now imagine that you are that disruptor. What would you do differently? How would you take on the sleeping giants? How could you apply creativity to your product, process, or communication to rock the very foundation of your field?

In today’s competitive environment, staying the course is the kiss of death. Nest disrupted thermostats; what will you choose to do in your industry? It’s time to sprint toward the future instead of clinging to the past. It’s time to imagine what’s possible, instead of just what is. It’s time to turn up the heat.

Oh wait… my Nest just did that for me.

When Darth Vader tried to persuade young Skywalker to join the dark side, it wasn’t a very compelling proposition. Who wants to wear black, talk weird, and live like a monster? If the dark side were that unappealing, it would be easy to say no.

But that’s not what modern-day darkness looks like at all. Instead it is shiny, juicy, and tempting. It comes perfectly packaged and marketed directly to our soft spots. That delicious candy bar or cheeseburger that poisons your body and robs your vitality. The expensive handbag that you have to have, but only drives you deeper into debt after momentary pleasure. That relationship that’s all surface and no substance.

In fact, the dark side looks anything but dark. It is appealing in every way and is designed to test you. Anyone can say no to living in a cave. It’s much harder to say no to the illustrious temptations that adeptly lure you in to their evil grips.

It often comes down to small choices. Should you watch trash reality TV or read something inspiring? Should you hit the bar or hit the gym? Should you perpetuate a relationship that provides nothing more than momentary indulgences or seek a partner that helps you reach the next level?

At nearly every turn you’ll face scrumptious temptations. The good news is that you get to make each choice along the way. Momentary pleasure or sustainable fulfillment. The easy thing or the right thing. Darkness or light.

If you think about it, your life becomes simply the product of all the choices you make. How important is it to achieve your full potential? To fulfill your long-term dreams? To make your biggest possible impact?

If you prioritize true fulfillment, you’ll have to make some tough choices along your journey. You’ll need to have the strength to say no to overwhelming temptation in order to say yes to your real calling. Here in 2012, we don’t conquer evil with light sabers. Today your weapon is purpose, passion, and commitment. You’ll win the fight with inner focus rather than outer strength.

The dark side is only getting more alluring. Which means your commitment to excellence is needed more than ever. Don’t be outsmarted by the hollow temptress. Stand firm in your place of power and watch these enticing shams crumble into dust.

As the dark side becomes yummier, it’s time for you to strengthen your resolve.

Master Yoda will be proud.

Some things just “can’t” be done, right?

Up until 1954, the top scientists and athletes agreed that running a mile in under four minutes was physically impossible. Never been done in all of history. That is, until Roger Bannister did it on May 6 and shattered this preconceived notion. Just 46 days later, another runner broke the four-minute mark and from then on, times continued to decrease.

With a fresh year ahead of you, you’re probably reflecting on the things you want to do. It may be to fit into that new pair of jeans. Or perhaps you have bigger goals: to drive social change, launch a business, or heal the sick.

Throughout the journey, you’ll be met with challenges that will test your resolve. You’ll be dealt that inevitable setback, making it easy to play the victim card. When you say something “can’t” be done, you are relinquishing your power. It is the world’s fault that a goal wasn’t met, not yours. It may be easier to rationalize in that moment, but in doing so you end up settling instead of achieving.

Often the difference-maker for high achievers is that they are willing to do what others won’t, not what others can’t. They own their outcomes, and take personal responsibility for seeing it through rather than playing the blame-game. Tough spots don’t have to indicate game-over status. Also-rans may crumble, but champions never waiver.

What if Martin Luther King Jr accepted that racial equality was impossible and not worth pursuing? What if Google felt that cataloging the world’s information couldn’t be done? The minute we stop pushing the limits as a society, civilization crumbles. And the same applies to you.

The next time you’re faced with an obstacle, stop focusing on all the reasons you can’t conquer it. Instead, pivot your thinking to “What steps need to happen – even if they are difficult – in order to see this through?”

If you are pursuing anything worth doing, they heat is likely to get really hot. Before you forfeit your dreams, perform a careful examination to see if you are really in a “can’t” dead-end or just a “won’t” situation. Turns out that 90% of the things we think are impossible just require some extra grit and determination to make them a reality. Bottom line: mojo is the antidote for adversity.

2012 is your time. Your time to shatter conventional wisdom. Your time to do the never-been-done-before. Your time to crush the impossible. Your time to make a difference.

Why do some companies consistently outperform their competition? Why do some people become champions while others fall short as also-rans? What skills do you need to improve to reach your highest potential?

We’ve all asked these questions as we strive to achieve our personal best. Decoding the traits of success is a multi-billion dollar industry as eager minds seek enlightenment. Leaders sprint to embrace the newest tech gadgets and management tactics to gain even the slightest competitive edge.

How ironic that a back-to-basics approach carries the day. It turns out that good old-fashioned grit has been statistically linked to being the number one indicator of high performance.

Research defining grit as perseverance and passion for long-term goals found that as a trait, grit had better predictability for success than IQ. The experts break it down and list these attributes as the building blocks of grit:

• A clear goal
• Determination despite others’ doubts
• Self-confidence about figuring it out
• Humility about knowing it doesn’t come easy
• Persistence despite fear
• Patience for the small stuff that obscures the path
• A code of ethics they live by
• Flexibility in the face of roadblocks
• A capacity for human connection and collaboration
• A recognition that accepting help does not equate to weakness
• A focus and appreciation of each step in the journey
• An appreciation of other people’s grit
• A loyalty that never sacrifices connections along the way
• An inner strength that brings them to their goal

More important that a go-get-‘em-tiger pep talk, you can actually build, screen for and measure grit. The Grit Test, developed by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania, is a simple questionnaire that helps you determine your Grit Score. It’s worth four minutes to find out how much mojo you and your team have so you can get about building more of it.

Brainiac pencil-pushers, entitled trust-fund babies, and well-dressed charmers are not the only ones that snag the brass ring after all. The good news is that grit comes from within, and none of us are precluded from building this attribute.

It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, come from a good neighborhood, have a fancy-pants degree, or are good looking. We all have nearly limitless potential, and the opportunity to seize it is waiting for you.

Let old-school grit and determination serve as the catalyst to achieving your own personal greatness. You don’t need another tech gadget; just the same killer app that has been foundation of success since the beginning of civilization.

There’s been a lot of protests recently about how awful it is to be the 99%. The central complaint is that the lion’s share of success is going to a small percentage of the population. People are upset that a select few over-achievers (the 1%) get a disproportionate share of the rewards.

No kidding. In fact, that’s how Darwin made a name for himself.

Instead of whining about whether or not the world is fair and droning on that we should all live in a state of socialist equality, why not focus your energy on being the 1%? Not an evil 1% that lives in opulence off other’s broken backs, but being in the top 1% of your field. Making the top 1% of impact on the world. Reaching the top 1% of your potential.

Everyone knows who Lance Armstrong is – he achieved top 1% status in the world of cycling. Ever hear of Heinrich Haussler? He’s ranked the #9 cyclist in the world and undoubtedly is highly talented and committed. Besides Haussler not being recognized at the grocery store, I’d guess that Lance Armstrong earns 100 times what Haussler makes. Is this fair? Should Haussler camp in a tent for weeks demanding that Armstrong give up some of his fame and wealth to the less “fortunate” Haussler?

As I see it, the top 1% have always snagged a disproportionate share of life’s rewards. In venture capital, only one out of three hundred entrepreneurs receive funding. In Hollywood, for every Tom Hanks or Jennifer Aniston, there are tens of thousands who don’t make the cut. I don’t see the reason to protest; it is simply the way life works. It’s like protesting winter in my hometown of Detroit because it isn’t fair my friends in San Diego are in the top 1% of weather.

So the real question becomes, how do you push yourself to reach that rarified territory in your own pursuits? How do you become a champion instead of an also-ran?

Most of the expert advice boils down to two things: Passion and Persistence.

The greatest achievers in the world are driven with unbridled passion. That intense desire enables them to overcome their demons, and push through the rough spots even when it’s uncomfortable. This passion drives them to sprint toward their dreams with urgency and fire, passing the wanna-be’s along the way.

Persistence, grit, and determination fuel the 1% through their inevitable adversity. In the words of Vince Lombardi, “It’s not whether you get knocked down. It’s whether you get up.” While the 99% are bowing out when circumstances get too tough, the 1% forge ahead, unwilling to accept defeat no matter the sacrifice.

We all have a choice. We can point fingers, complain the world isn’t fair, and swim in a pot of victim soup. Or we can push ourselves and our organizations to earn the coveted 1% position. And in doing so, we achieve nearly limitless potential.

Why accept anything less?

After I graduated college, I launched my second business – Innovative Computer Solutions. We sold computer hardware and provided networking and other computer-related services. After 11 months of business, I was doing well. But as Jim Collins likes to say, “Good is the enemy of great.”

In 1994 the computer world was in the midst of massive upheaval. And an introspective look in the mirror revealed a company that was on the path to mediocrity. I was making money and winning clients, but our products and services were a commodity. A me-too player. And let’s face it… the world doesn’t need another me-too player. The world doesn’t need another me-too anything.

So with less than one year of operations, I decided to sell a business that appeared to be full of success and promise. This was a hard decision, since the business was making money and growing rapidly. But I knew that it wasn’t my destiny. I knew that I needed to let go of one opportunity in order to seize a bigger one.

Letting go is never easy, especially when things are “okay.” Many people find themselves in “okay” jobs, “okay” relationships, and living “okay” lives. It takes boldness and courage to let go of the known to pursue the wonder and magic of what’s possible.

As human beings, fear often immobilizes us and keeps us grounded to the “okay.” But then we eventually look back – filled with regret that we never went for it. Never took that big risk. Never chased down our true potential. We end up playing it “safe”, only to realize that playing it safe is the riskiest move of all. Because playing it safe gets in the way of your real trajectory and robs you from reaching new heights.

We all have “to do” lists. What would be on your “letting go” list? What are the things you need to release in order to make room for the new? What are you clinging to out of habit or perceived safety that has lost its enduring value?

Sometimes, you simply need to let go. You must let your own grit and determination become your new safety net. And in the process, you’ll make room for the possibilities while liberating your spirit.

It’s unlikely that you recently rode a buggy to work, made calls on a rotary phone, or listened to a cassette tape.  We all know that the world has changed dramatically over the last few years, and the rules of the game have fundamentally shifted forever.

Today, a whole new set of skills is needed in order to win in an era of fierce competition and mind-spinning complexity.  We now live an environment where relying on past models of success is irresponsibly dangerous.  Our current business climate has become faster than Italian racecars and spoiled actresses.

It’s important to zoom out to realize how different the landscape is and what is needed for today’s success.  Let’s take a look at winning…then vs. now:

The iPod disrupted the music industry. eBooks disrupted traditional publishing. The internet disrupted just about everything. And more than likely, the disruptors in your company are the ones that are getting promoted and reaching their dreams while the rule-following automatons remain frustrated at their cubes.

In the past, your job was to do what you were told. Follow instructions, keep your head down, don’t make waves. But today things are very different. Today, we live in a world where playing it safe is irresponsibly dangerous.

In today’s hyper-competitive environment, working hard and doing a decent job are no longer enough. Competency, good service, and professionalism are now merely the ante to play. We now live in a world with exponential complexity and dizzying speed. A world where standing out is more important than fitting in.

We are taught to follow the rules, do what the boss says, and that mistakes must be avoided at all costs. Yet this traditional approach is a surefire path to mediocrity. Today, an entirely new set of skills are needed in order to win.

In addition the job title on your business card, you need to add the title of Disruptor.

Disruptors challenge assumptions. They shake the status quo. They are curious and creative. They adapt and improvise. Disruptors push the boundaries and shatter conventional wisdom. They’d rather forge new ground than blindly salute the flag of the past.

Disruptors squirm at phrases such as “we’ve always done it that way”, “that’s just the way things are done here”, and “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. They know that speed and innovation now trump rigidity and conformity. They know that discovering fresh solutions and unleashing new ideas are top priority for both success and sustainability.

Disruptors wonder. They dream, explore, harass, discover, challenge, vex, disturb, rattle, break, upset, imagine, push, shatter, drive, offend, risk, and poke. Disruptors also win, get promoted, earn more, make a bigger impact, reach their dreams and change the world.

In the words of Jack Welch, the former CEO of General Electric, “If the rate of change on the outside is greater than the rate of change on the inside, the end is near.”

The next time you’re at an event and someone asks you what you do, try responding with: “I’m a disruptor.” Besides better conversation, it will empower you to drive change and make a difference. Stop hoping and start pushing. Stop complaining and start doing. Your company and your career depend on it.

Disrupt or be disrupted. Simple as that.