My friend Les Gold, star of the hit TV series Hardcore Pawn, gave a dynamic speech this week that left the audience mesmerized.   His opening line really struck me: “How bad do you want it?”

As products of a consumer-driven society, we want just about everything.  We want fancy cars, palatial homes, and exotic travel.  We also want perfectly toned bodies, extraordinary athletic abilities, a big circle of friends, dozens of hobbies, and a close-knit family.  Our wants are limitless.

The challenge becomes prioritization and sacrifice.  As the sage childhood advice proclaims, “You can have anything you want but you can’t have everything you want.”  Knowing that human desire surpasses the 24-hour-a-day limit, choosing what’s most important is critical.  Without that focus, your energies become defuse and you end up accomplishing very little.

“How bad do you want it?”  Les gets in the audience’s face with his trademark intensity.  He’s referring to your commitment to reaching your goals and questioning the sacrifices you’re willing to make in order to win.  The most successful people do what other won’t, not what others can’t.  If you want something but refuse to do whatever it takes to get there, it’s merely fanciful dreaming.  Those that truly commit to their goals and will walk through fire to achieve them are the ones that win in good times and bad.

Les works out seven-days-a-week at 5am.  I’m sure there are days he’d rather stay in his warm bed, but he’s willing to sacrifice short-term pleasure for long-term fulfillment.  Dealing with tough customers at his pawnshop empire can be difficult and often dangerous.  But he shows up every day.  Fearless.  Driven.  Committed.

It’s so easy to cast blame when we fall short.  Between the economy, governmental regulation, fierce competition, and “not enough time in the day”, there’s no shortage of excuses.  But when you’re busy moaning, someone else is busy winning.  They’re willing to own personal responsibility for their results.  Willing to do whatever it takes, no matter how distasteful, to achieve.  Are you?

When you combine intense focus with unbendable grit and determination, nearly anything is possible.  As you set out to make your biggest mark, you will undoubtedly need to make some tough sacrifices along the way.  If it were easy, everyone would be a champion.

Are you ready to fight through rain, sleet, and snow?  Are you ready to exert discipline and focus?  Are you ready to be relentless?

How bad do you want it?

A good friend of mine said something to me at dinner this week that really hit me: “Aim Up, Compare Down.”

So many of us drive ourselves crazy by comparing “up.” Rather than enjoying our own circumstances, we lust for the things and traits possessed by others. We crush our own spirit by comparing ourselves to those that are smarter, younger, better looking, more successful, taller, wealthier, better athletes, etc. Unfortunately, this is just a recipe for feeling like shit.

In always comparing up, we lose perspective of where we stand. Instead of appreciating what we are, we obsess about what we’re not. We fail to savor our accomplishments and natural gifts, always grasping for something more in a never-ending futile effort that depletes our confidence and sense of self.

Comparing down, in contrast, helps you realize and enjoy where you are in the moment. It helps you recognize that while there’s always room to grow on your path, you’ve already accomplished the things that only exist in the dreams of others. Sure, there’s always someone with a bigger boat, but never lose sight of those with much less.

I’m sure there are many different ways to interpret the idea of comparing down. To me, it’s not about comparing yourself to other people or being boastful. It’s about comparing “down” to a previous version of you. It’s about recognizing how far you’ve come and realizing that things could always be a lot worse.

Now comparing down isn’t an excuse to stop pushing ahead and striving. That’s where “aiming up” comes in. As far as I can tell, the purpose of life is to realize your full potential and make your biggest possible impact on the world. You won’t get there by aiming (or dreaming) small. Aiming at a target in front of you will propel you to play your best possible game. It will allow you seize the enormous opportunity that’s waiting for you.

So many of us have the formula backwards, don’t we? We aim down because we’re afraid of putting ourselves out there and failing. By playing it “safe”, we end up filled with regret for all the shots we never took. And to top it off, we compare “up.” Envy overwhelms us, starving our own sense of well-being and fulfillment. And with every step forward, we immediately seek something new and shiny to covet instead of appreciating our accomplishments in the moment.

It’s time to turn conventional thinking upside down. It’s time to embrace a fresh perspective that will push you to new heights while embracing the joy you’ve earned at each step along your path.

Forget the traditional approach. Aim Up, Compare Down.

Recently I had the privilege of delivering my third commencement speech. I love graduation ceremonies and what they symbolize: achievement, overcoming adversity, reaching the next level.

Addressing thousands of graduates is a daunting task. With only a few minutes to impart some lasting wisdom, what message would you deliver? I decided to share the 11 principles that have guided me since I wore that graduation robe many moons ago.

In preparing my remarks, I realized that these nuggets didn’t just apply to freshly minted grads; they apply to us all. These are the principles I live by and the philosophies that have enabled my own success. Here’s my advice for graduates, dropouts, young guns, and seniors alike:

1. Put Passion First – People will constantly tell you what you “should” do. Instead of doing what others expect, follow your dreams and your heart. You’ll be much happier, and you’ll make the world a better place too.

2. Build Your Creativity Muscle – This will be your most important skill, and it will allow you to thrive and win. Develop your creativity early and often – it will pay off big-time.

3. Don’t Stumble Over Something Behind You – Regret is the worst human emotion, since you can’t do a thing about the past. You’ll make lots of mistakes, which are nothing more than the portals of discovery. Fail fast, learn, and move on.

4. Leave it Better than You Found it – Every interaction, meeting, project, game, and relationship leaves you with a choice. You can add value or remove it. Do the right thing instead of the easy thing. You’ll be glad you did.

5. Reject Limits – Break free from limits that others try to impose on you. Your ideas, creativity and potential are nearly limitless. Reach for the edges.

6. “Do or Do Not, There is No Try” – This is a quote from Star Wars’ Yoda. Simply put, commit to your dreams and do whatever it takes to reach them.

7. Playing it Safe is Irresponsibly Dangerous - The history books never talk about people that lived small. Those that take risks, shatter complacency, and create their own future are the ones that make the biggest difference. Make your own mark, and never let fear hold you back from your true potential.

8. Embrace Change – The world will continue to change at breathtaking speeds. Those that get locked into one way of thinking get passed by. Standing still is the beginning of the end, so always stay ahead of the curve.

9. Be Appreciative and Humble – Einstein once wrote, “You can live each day as if everything is a miracle, or as if nothing is.” True ‘dat!

10. Be a Lifelong Learner – Continuously sharpen your mind and devour knowledge. Learning constantly will enable success in every area of your life.

11. Have fun! – Life is meant to be savored. Enjoy every sip, sound, and bite.
We all face many challenges, which is why a few guiding principles can serve as a helpful North Star. Play you biggest game and seize the enormous opportunity that’s waiting for you.

No tassel or funny hat required.

In 2005, I found myself in a very desirable position. I had started a company from scratch six years before, and I was delighted to see it achieve some real success. ePrize had become the dominant player in the online promotions industry, organizing sweepstakes and loyalty programs for clients like Coca-Cola, Disney, P&G, adidas and Microsoft.

But then something happened confirming my worst, unspoken fears. A new company entered the promotions business, and our market position was threatened. Every time we tried to land a new client, our rival won the business by underpricing us and offering more sophisticated solutions. They seemed to have come up with a secret way of winning at lower cost yet with higher efficiency and more creativity. They stole our clients, as if by magic. My nightmare had come true.

I knew right away that our new rival, Slither Corporation, was out to kill us. Soon, they were bigger than us, they moved faster, and – though I hated to admit it – they seemed smarter. They never had a down quarter. They appeared unbeatable.

It was inevitable – Slither was going to eat our lunch. Unless we upped our game, and out-Slithered Slither.

But here’s the thing. The Slither Corporation doesn’t actually exist. I made them up. Slither is our fictive nemesis, our imaginary bad guys. To defeat comfort and complacency, I decided that our team needed a wake-up call, so I launched our make-believe competitor at the point we felt unstoppable. The goal: to ensure that we stayed at peak performance, remained humble, and pushed our creative boundaries.

Rather than battling a poorly performing company to make us feel good about ourselves, Slither was launched to fictitiously undercut our prices, steal our customers, compete more efficiently than seemed possible, and, all the while, enjoy margins that made us green with envy.

Slither became a key part of our culture. We intercepted internal memos from Slither that gave us insight into their strategy. Our team members were asked questions such as, “What’s the one thing that your counterpart at Slither does better than you?” Slither even invaded our company one day, dressed in costumes that represented the opposite of our cultural values.

In today’s challenging times, you probably have real competitors to worry about. But inventing your own ideal enemy and then thinking deeply about how to conquer them can be a powerful technique to drive change and innovation. It will help you focus on the possibilities and remove internal political cloudiness.

Unleash your own fictitious archenemy, and use it as a platform for reinvention. It will help you challenge yourself to reach new heights, drive urgency, and unlock new ideas. This imaginary battlefield will better equip you to win at the real thing.

Throughout my career, my favorite saying has always been: “Someday, a company is going to come along and put us out of business. It might as well be us.” Creating your own version of Slither will help you do just that. Disrupt or be disrupted.

When Darth Vader tried to persuade young Skywalker to join the dark side, it wasn’t a very compelling proposition. Who wants to wear black, talk weird, and live like a monster? If the dark side were that unappealing, it would be easy to say no.

But that’s not what modern-day darkness looks like at all. Instead it is shiny, juicy, and tempting. It comes perfectly packaged and marketed directly to our soft spots. That delicious candy bar or cheeseburger that poisons your body and robs your vitality. The expensive handbag that you have to have, but only drives you deeper into debt after momentary pleasure. That relationship that’s all surface and no substance.

In fact, the dark side looks anything but dark. It is appealing in every way and is designed to test you. Anyone can say no to living in a cave. It’s much harder to say no to the illustrious temptations that adeptly lure you in to their evil grips.

It often comes down to small choices. Should you watch trash reality TV or read something inspiring? Should you hit the bar or hit the gym? Should you perpetuate a relationship that provides nothing more than momentary indulgences or seek a partner that helps you reach the next level?

At nearly every turn you’ll face scrumptious temptations. The good news is that you get to make each choice along the way. Momentary pleasure or sustainable fulfillment. The easy thing or the right thing. Darkness or light.

If you think about it, your life becomes simply the product of all the choices you make. How important is it to achieve your full potential? To fulfill your long-term dreams? To make your biggest possible impact?

If you prioritize true fulfillment, you’ll have to make some tough choices along your journey. You’ll need to have the strength to say no to overwhelming temptation in order to say yes to your real calling. Here in 2012, we don’t conquer evil with light sabers. Today your weapon is purpose, passion, and commitment. You’ll win the fight with inner focus rather than outer strength.

The dark side is only getting more alluring. Which means your commitment to excellence is needed more than ever. Don’t be outsmarted by the hollow temptress. Stand firm in your place of power and watch these enticing shams crumble into dust.

As the dark side becomes yummier, it’s time for you to strengthen your resolve.

Master Yoda will be proud.

I recently spent some time laughing hysterically while playing board games with my kids. There’s nothing better than watching a kid unleash an enormous laugh, is there? It got me thinking about the many things we can learn from child’s play that apply directly to our lives today as hard-driving, world-conquering, eat-nails-for-breakfast adults:

1. You Need a Challenge. With nearly every game ending in a tie, the primitive and simple game of tic-tac-toe gets old in about three minutes. That’s because human growth and fulfillment come in the midst of challenge. “A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner”, the English proverb states. We are meant to take on complex challenges, gaining confidence through achievement. If you are feeling stretched, this is a good sign and indicates you are becoming stronger and more powerful. Conversely, if you find yourself punching the clock and mastering your surroundings, it’s time to push yourself to a more challenging game.

2. Listen to Your Instincts. Remember the game “You’re Getting Warmer” where one kid is blindfolded and has to find another. With each step, the other kids chant “you’re getting warmer” or “you’re getting colder.” Try playing this game by yourself. It turns out we have an incredible ability to tap into our own intuition if we simply listen. When you make various choices in life, your instincts tell you if you’re getting warmer or colder. Deep inside, you know if your moves are driving you closer to your life’s vision or if your choices are destructive and luring you away from reaching your potential. Kids listen to their intuition, but we adults often fail to hear.

3. Playing the Game is the Fun Part. Imagine you’re “it” in a game of hide-and-seek, but when you open your eyes everyone is in plain sight. Sure, you “won” the game but it certainly wasn’t enjoyable. As adults, we are often so focused on future outcomes that we fail to savor the moment. In the midst of the game with the rush of uncertainty, we find joy and delight. When the game is over, kids insightfully say, “let’s play again!” It’s time to start enjoying the journey instead of postponing our happiness.

4. It’s Best When It’s Your Turn. Every kid wants to go first because they get to be the active driver of their experience. Knowing this, why do so many of us relinquish our power and allow life to happen “to” us? Studies show that happiness at work is often linked to jobs where individuals have more autonomy. Of course, this same principle goes far beyond our careers. We’re wired to be the architects of our own existence, not the subjects of others. In an era with nearly limitless possibility, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be calling your own shots.

In today’s turbulent times, many of us are in a state of imbalance, stress, or even panic. Yet sometimes the most potent insights are right in front of us. As my 14-year-old son likes to tell me, “get your head in the game, Dad.”

Go ahead. It’s your turn to spin the wheel.

When the space shuttle takes off, it burns two-thirds of its fuel in the first 20 minutes. The remaining supply is ample for up to two weeks of continued flight. It takes tremendous force to bust through the gripping constraints of gravity.

When you embark on your own journey, gravity has the same impact. Launching a business, writing a book, completing medical school, or rebuilding broken communities can be daunting tasks. Unless your only dream is to get a tan and hit the mall, you’ll be faced with an intense gravitational pull designed to hold you back. It’s there to test your resolve and give you an opportunity to show how much you really want it.

So how can you slay this dragon? Having studied elite leaders in many disciplines, I’ve noticed some common threads. Here’s how the most successful people slingshot Newton’s law into the stratosphere, and what you can do to defy gravity:

1. Purpose – Start with “why.” Having a purpose that is consistent with your values and overall life-plan will become your North Star. It will help you persist in the darkest hours of your journey, and help you enlist the help of others when you share it freely.

2. Vision – Imagine trying to do a 1000 piece puzzle without looking at the box cover. Ouch. Having a clear picture in your mind of your desired outcome will enable you to manifest it efficiently.

3. Focus – An ancient Chinese proverb states, “Chase two rabbits and both will escape.” It’s easy to get distracted, but those who achieve the most are able to lock their sights with laser-beam accuracy on their vision and purpose.

4. Discipline – This isn’t the easy part and it’s what most often separates champions from also-rans. The bottom line: if you behave with relentless commitment, your odds of success increase geometrically. This means daily habits that crescendo into your big goal. Through grit and determination, your potential is nearly limitless.

5. Creativity – In today’s world of dizzying speed and exponential complexity, you’ll need to continuously adapt and refine your plan. Creativity will be your most powerful weapon in conquering adversity. You must constantly challenge conventional wisdom and remain obsessed with finding better ways to run your race.

The good news is that once you blast through life’s gravitation pull, your momentum will ease the struggle. After putting some early points on the board, you’ll build a reservoir of confidence that will boost your resolve when challenges emerge.

Human beings have figured out how to fly airplanes faster than the speed of sound, build 160-story skyscrapers, and land rovers on Mars. You have enormous opportunity to defy gravity and seize your own dreams, no matter how lofty they may be. It all begins with a single spark of gravity-defying effort.

Let the countdown begin.

Some things just “can’t” be done, right?

Up until 1954, the top scientists and athletes agreed that running a mile in under four minutes was physically impossible. Never been done in all of history. That is, until Roger Bannister did it on May 6 and shattered this preconceived notion. Just 46 days later, another runner broke the four-minute mark and from then on, times continued to decrease.

With a fresh year ahead of you, you’re probably reflecting on the things you want to do. It may be to fit into that new pair of jeans. Or perhaps you have bigger goals: to drive social change, launch a business, or heal the sick.

Throughout the journey, you’ll be met with challenges that will test your resolve. You’ll be dealt that inevitable setback, making it easy to play the victim card. When you say something “can’t” be done, you are relinquishing your power. It is the world’s fault that a goal wasn’t met, not yours. It may be easier to rationalize in that moment, but in doing so you end up settling instead of achieving.

Often the difference-maker for high achievers is that they are willing to do what others won’t, not what others can’t. They own their outcomes, and take personal responsibility for seeing it through rather than playing the blame-game. Tough spots don’t have to indicate game-over status. Also-rans may crumble, but champions never waiver.

What if Martin Luther King Jr accepted that racial equality was impossible and not worth pursuing? What if Google felt that cataloging the world’s information couldn’t be done? The minute we stop pushing the limits as a society, civilization crumbles. And the same applies to you.

The next time you’re faced with an obstacle, stop focusing on all the reasons you can’t conquer it. Instead, pivot your thinking to “What steps need to happen – even if they are difficult – in order to see this through?”

If you are pursuing anything worth doing, they heat is likely to get really hot. Before you forfeit your dreams, perform a careful examination to see if you are really in a “can’t” dead-end or just a “won’t” situation. Turns out that 90% of the things we think are impossible just require some extra grit and determination to make them a reality. Bottom line: mojo is the antidote for adversity.

2012 is your time. Your time to shatter conventional wisdom. Your time to do the never-been-done-before. Your time to crush the impossible. Your time to make a difference.

Imagine you are heads-down, dealing with a major project, deadline, or problem. You are slogging through the muck but you just can’t seem to break free from traditional thinking. You keep working harder and harder but fail to snag the results you seek.

Then, in a big burst of smoke, an alien appears from the planet Imagina of the galaxy Surge 24. His green antennae spin with thought, his yellow eyes roll back in his head, his body starts to shake, and then BAM…. He gives you that breakthrough idea you’ve been dying for.

How’d he do that? It could be that his three brains just have more firepower than yours. Or, it could simply be that he’s looking at the problem from a different perspective.

One of the most powerful techniques I discovered when doing the research for my book, Disciplined Dreaming, is deliberately shifting perspective in order to summon creativity. The human brain has an incredible ability to project into a different circumstance and then function as if it were that new situation.

In other words, the next time you are struggling for that breakthrough idea, pretend you are an alien from the future. How would that alien analyze the problem without the same context that you have? What would the alien’s biases do to his thought-process? Since he doesn’t understand our earthly limitations, fears, and social pressures, what solutions would he recommend?

When you look at a challenge through a different lens, two things happen. First, all your fear and doubt melt away since you stop worrying about how your idea will make you look to others. Second, the fresh perspective yields an abundance of ideas that were previously unconsidered since you are approaching the situation from a different vantage point.

Of course, there’s no need to stop with intergalactic amigos. Try approaching your next challenge as a detective from 16th century London. Or a heroin-drenched jazz musician from the early 50′s. Or your seven-year-old nephew. Or the warden of a maximum-security prison. Or Kim Kardashian. Or Darth Vader. Or the Octomom.

How would they approach the challenge? What solutions might they imagine from their own context? How would they think about things looking through a different lens?

The next time you hit a roadblock or need a B12 injection of creativity, try shifting your perspective and imagine how someone else would solve it. Whether you choose to be an alien, Paul McCartney, or Santa Claus, a fresh view on your work can really shake things up.

You probably know it well. That sinking feeling in your gut where you feel like you just got punched by Tyson. Heart-pounding, head-throbbing, room-spinning agony. We’ve all been there. Perhaps it was losing a huge client, a key team member jumping ship, or a major technology glitch. Or maybe it was a sharp scolding from a boss, an unexpected job loss, or that big setback you’ve been dreading.

Oh shit.

These are the moments we fear; the ones that nightmares are made of. The times when we feel powerless, overwhelmed, and are left spinning with hopelessness and despair. You’re not alone…Every great leader, hero, and champion has had them too.

The real question isn’t whether or not you’ll experience this acute terror. Assuming you are pursuing anything worth doing, you will. The question becomes, how will you react?

Some of us cave to the pressure. We roll on our backs like helpless dogs exposing their vulnerable bellies. We allow ourselves to become victimized by the event, and relinquish our power to the callous circumstances. We let things happen to us.

Luckily, you need not suffer this hapless fate. Instead, you can regain your power and use the setback as a “teachable moment.” Rather than judging it, you can look at it as information that is helping you grow as a person or organization.

Throughout my own career building startups for the last 21 years, I’ve had my fair share of these moments. But now looking back, each of these painful setbacks turned out to be a blessing. In fact, many of my biggest breakthroughs came just after events that appeared to be devastating losses.

Often our biggest moments of growth come from our darkest moments of adversity. Life has a funny way of teaching us and sometimes those painful wake-up calls can be just the jolt we need to effectuate change. In these moments, you have a choice. You can cower in the corner like a guilty child, or you can use the sting as an opportunity to strengthen your resolve. You can own it, take personal responsibility, and leap into action with unwavering commitment. Even when it’s tough and you want to hide.

The most successful people have bad days too. We all stumble, but the champions don’t let speed bumps derail their journey. Instead, they look straight into the abyss and extract every valuable lesson that can be gained. And you can too.

That dreaded “oh shit” moment will likely crop up when you least expect it. The next time it does, don’t run from it. Seize it. It’s simply an opportunity for you to shine and grow.