Empathy is the New Killer App
It stings. Another soul-crushing reprimand from a boss, parent, or spouse. That nauseous feeling when you feel unappreciated, misunderstood, and blamed. We’ve all been there, and in that knee-wobbling state we are far from playing at our best.
On the other hand, remember how you felt after receiving a big boost of positive reinforcement. A “great job”, “thank you”, or “I love you” that injected 1000 kilowatts of energy into your step. You felt invincible. Awake. In the groove.
I find it ironic that while each of us knows both feelings so well, many people totally fail to think about how their own behavior impacts others. They don’t realize that their harsh words can smash someone they care about like a mallet to over-ripe cantaloupe.
Naturally, there’s a better way. The best business leaders carefully manage the emotional state of those around them. They realize that people perform at their very best while feeling supported and appreciated. In our competitive world, you’ll only seize your full potential by supporting the imagination, confidence, and sense of purpose of others. Command-and-control tactics of the past have been rendered useless now that team members create value with their brains instead of backs.
I’m not suggesting leaders should just be feel-good Pollyannas and pass out daisies instead of holding their teams accountable. Whether you’re engaged in business, art, medicine, community development, or politics, you still need to mange to specific outcomes. What I’m suggesting is that with the speed and complexity of the times, being acutely mindful of the emotional impact of your actions will drive the bottom line far better than simply cracking the whip again.
The same applies outside the business world. In any human relationship, you will perform far better knowing the other person has your back. Knowing this to be true, it’s time to connect with the perspective of those around you. If you think taking someone down a peg is “teaching them a lesson”, you’re about as accurate as Zena, the midtown tarot card reader.
When you change your approach, thinking about how your words and actions will impact others, you will transform the possibilities around you. Relationship will come to life. Imagination will soar. And to top it off, people will return the favor and start treating you with the respect that both of you deserve.
If your go-to move makes others feel the burn of #200 extra-coarse sandpaper to the forehead, it’s time to take a radically new approach. Empathy 2.0. And this new App is free to download; available for all platforms and devices.
Great comments Josh – and I’ll add one more thought – think about how empowering your employees feel when they know they are allowed (in fact encouraged) to make mistakes. The ability to try new things, learn from them and get better results from multiple iterations, vs. having to come up with the “right” solution the first time, every time.
You are right – a leader should not simply pat on the back all the time – some mistakes do require a stern talking to. But I find most of the stress/anxiety that people feel is simply trying to protect themselves from what happens if they are wrong or do something the boss doesn’t agree with.
So true, and this was one of the principal points at the Wisdom 2.9 conference the last few days in SF. (Wisdom2conference has replays of the talks, including Detroit’s own Bill Ford). In the Buddhist tradition the intent is compassion, or empathic understanding with
a maintained sense of self that enables action. And for those with iPhones, the Huff Post has launched the GPS for the soul app to aid all of us in increasing mindful awareness. Worth trying out.
Excellent point. It amazes me how many leaders in business don’t understand this key principle. Thanks for the post.
Yes! Wonderful!!! I believe what you believe. Furthermore, a “currency of empathy” is the missing link to innovtion, inclusion, and growing a healthy next generation in this country. We need to steward this “currency” the way we do money. Focusing predominantly on the latter has driven short term productivity and even share price gains, but that’s run out.
I came to this perspective through almost 2 decades of work with clients on growth, innovation, and leadership development.
Please have a look here: http://currencyofempathy.wordpress.com/why-currency-of-empathy/
What could we do together to make a positive difference?
Thanks for your consideration. Warmly, Jackie
Good points, I agree… the new wave of business is upon us and if you want to get the most out of the people who work for you while supporting their growth you understand the balance there.
Empathy is a very powerful thing to understand, having empathy with both our employees and our customers.
One of my customers wrote me and said “I didn’t know you had a program on _____, i’m going to buy it”
I responded back with, don’t buy it yet… It still has some work to go and is due for an update.
That kind of empathy and honesty proves you are human (awesome plugin) lol… and it helps people realize you are real, that you care and want to help them instead of just take their money and run (like many older business thinkers still have the mindset of)
Extract dollars for the littlest work possible, efficiency is good… but when it infringes on empathy your customer recognizes the imbalance and runs the other way looking for a new person to do business with.
Good thoughts!
I had a very highly skilled programmer that worked for me and I carefully manage his emotional state to the point where others became resentful and I felt like I was held hostage. I allowed the squeaky wheel to adversely affect the emotional state of the whole. Important lesson learned. Now I care about and nurture those that are on-board and rowing in the same direction and those that aren’t walk the plank!