A good friend of mine said something to me at dinner this week that really hit me: “Aim Up, Compare Down.”

So many of us drive ourselves crazy by comparing “up.” Rather than enjoying our own circumstances, we lust for the things and traits possessed by others. We crush our own spirit by comparing ourselves to those that are smarter, younger, better looking, more successful, taller, wealthier, better athletes, etc. Unfortunately, this is just a recipe for feeling like shit.

In always comparing up, we lose perspective of where we stand. Instead of appreciating what we are, we obsess about what we’re not. We fail to savor our accomplishments and natural gifts, always grasping for something more in a never-ending futile effort that depletes our confidence and sense of self.

Comparing down, in contrast, helps you realize and enjoy where you are in the moment. It helps you recognize that while there’s always room to grow on your path, you’ve already accomplished the things that only exist in the dreams of others. Sure, there’s always someone with a bigger boat, but never lose sight of those with much less.

I’m sure there are many different ways to interpret the idea of comparing down. To me, it’s not about comparing yourself to other people or being boastful. It’s about comparing “down” to a previous version of you. It’s about recognizing how far you’ve come and realizing that things could always be a lot worse.

Now comparing down isn’t an excuse to stop pushing ahead and striving. That’s where “aiming up” comes in. As far as I can tell, the purpose of life is to realize your full potential and make your biggest possible impact on the world. You won’t get there by aiming (or dreaming) small. Aiming at a target in front of you will propel you to play your best possible game. It will allow you seize the enormous opportunity that’s waiting for you.

So many of us have the formula backwards, don’t we? We aim down because we’re afraid of putting ourselves out there and failing. By playing it “safe”, we end up filled with regret for all the shots we never took. And to top it off, we compare “up.” Envy overwhelms us, starving our own sense of well-being and fulfillment. And with every step forward, we immediately seek something new and shiny to covet instead of appreciating our accomplishments in the moment.

It’s time to turn conventional thinking upside down. It’s time to embrace a fresh perspective that will push you to new heights while embracing the joy you’ve earned at each step along your path.

Forget the traditional approach. Aim Up, Compare Down.

In an era of intense pressure to succeed, we’re often faced with the dilemma to do well OR do good. Our ambitions for money, security, and recognition can drive us to make choices that enrich ourselves while hurting others. The news provides us an endless parade of Bernie Madoffs holding their heads in shame for prioritizing greed above all else.

While you’re probably not a crook, you likely face similar dilemmas on a subtler, yet consistent basis. Should you overbill your client just a tad to boost revenue? Should you make your co-worker look bad to make yourself look good? Should you deliver products or services that are profitable yet overall damaging to society?

Recently, I’ve been bothered by the lyrics of popular rap songs that my kids blast from the car radio. Jay-Z and Kanye West rap about luring young girls into bathroom stalls to “prove why they deserve to have it all.” And the popular rapper Tyga talks with incessant repetitiveness about throwing hundred dollars bills (“hunnits”) on naked strippers.

Now I’m no prude and I’m all for artistic expression. But peddling obnoxious trash to audiences in order to sell more records can’t be making the world a better place. Sure, these “artists” are scoring a bunch of cash. But at what cost?

A simple test you can use when facing a decision is to imagine that your actions will be covered in great detail on the front page of The New York Times the next morning. A big, tell-all feature explaining the choice you made for the whole world to see. Would you be proud of your actions or ashamed by them? Excited to share the story with your friends and family or overwhelmed by humiliation?

You could go one step further and ask yourself if someday your grandkids heard the story, how would you feel? Think Tyga and Kanye would be excited to share their primal lyrics with their 8-year-old granddaughters?

Take a good look in the mirror and examine your career, relationships, parenting style, leadership approach, and level of overall contribution. If that NY Times story was coming out tomorrow, which areas of your life would you wish you could have changed?

Some changes may need to be drastic, while others could be a slight pivot allowing you to contribute value rather than destroy it. Since it’s unlikely the Times will be publishing their story tomorrow, you have the gift of opportunity to make those changes now. So when that story is actually on display, you can beam with pride and know you’ve left a positive mark.

With a little creativity, it’s possible to do well AND do good. Challenge yourself to do the right thing instead of the easy thing, and the rewards will end up being tenfold.

Who knows? Maybe you’ll even enjoy the movie version.

Recently I had the privilege of delivering my third commencement speech. I love graduation ceremonies and what they symbolize: achievement, overcoming adversity, reaching the next level.

Addressing thousands of graduates is a daunting task. With only a few minutes to impart some lasting wisdom, what message would you deliver? I decided to share the 11 principles that have guided me since I wore that graduation robe many moons ago.

In preparing my remarks, I realized that these nuggets didn’t just apply to freshly minted grads; they apply to us all. These are the principles I live by and the philosophies that have enabled my own success. Here’s my advice for graduates, dropouts, young guns, and seniors alike:

1. Put Passion First – People will constantly tell you what you “should” do. Instead of doing what others expect, follow your dreams and your heart. You’ll be much happier, and you’ll make the world a better place too.

2. Build Your Creativity Muscle – This will be your most important skill, and it will allow you to thrive and win. Develop your creativity early and often – it will pay off big-time.

3. Don’t Stumble Over Something Behind You – Regret is the worst human emotion, since you can’t do a thing about the past. You’ll make lots of mistakes, which are nothing more than the portals of discovery. Fail fast, learn, and move on.

4. Leave it Better than You Found it – Every interaction, meeting, project, game, and relationship leaves you with a choice. You can add value or remove it. Do the right thing instead of the easy thing. You’ll be glad you did.

5. Reject Limits – Break free from limits that others try to impose on you. Your ideas, creativity and potential are nearly limitless. Reach for the edges.

6. “Do or Do Not, There is No Try” – This is a quote from Star Wars’ Yoda. Simply put, commit to your dreams and do whatever it takes to reach them.

7. Playing it Safe is Irresponsibly Dangerous - The history books never talk about people that lived small. Those that take risks, shatter complacency, and create their own future are the ones that make the biggest difference. Make your own mark, and never let fear hold you back from your true potential.

8. Embrace Change – The world will continue to change at breathtaking speeds. Those that get locked into one way of thinking get passed by. Standing still is the beginning of the end, so always stay ahead of the curve.

9. Be Appreciative and Humble – Einstein once wrote, “You can live each day as if everything is a miracle, or as if nothing is.” True ‘dat!

10. Be a Lifelong Learner – Continuously sharpen your mind and devour knowledge. Learning constantly will enable success in every area of your life.

11. Have fun! – Life is meant to be savored. Enjoy every sip, sound, and bite.
We all face many challenges, which is why a few guiding principles can serve as a helpful North Star. Play you biggest game and seize the enormous opportunity that’s waiting for you.

No tassel or funny hat required.

There are few products less sexy that a thermostat. It is a boring, utilitarian commodity, right? The world agreed for over 100 years…until the lead designer of the iPod decided to shake things up.

Tony Fadell took a completely fresh approach and challenged conventional wisdom. Rather than starting with the existing competitive set, he shattered industry norms from design to function. The result? The incredible new device known as the Nest Learning Thermostat.

Besides its distinctive look, this baby ain’t your father’s thermostat. The artificial intelligence “learns” your habits. It has sensors to know when you are away so it doesn’t heat or cool an empty house. It’s connected to the web and evaluates external weather conditions to determine how to best respond inside. You can even control it from a smartphone app on the go.

All this whiz-bang technology does more than fuel your inner geek. The Nest saves its owners an average of 20% off their utility bills and helps reduce our reliance on foreign oil. All the while, it saves the environment by reducing emissions. Cool, huh?

It gets better. From a business perspective, the Nest sells for $250 each, and is completely sold-out. Compare that to the widely available and incredibly boring Honeywell programmable thermostat that sells for $22. That’s right… the sold-out Nest sells for ten times the price of the find-anywhere industry standard.

Once again, innovation carries the day. Even in a commodity business that appeared to offer no room for breakthrough thinking, creative fire has charred competitors into dust overnight.

As author Gary Hamel famously said, “Somewhere there’s an entrepreneur forging a bullet with your company’s name on it. Your only option is to shoot first. You must out-innovate the innovators.” Even if you are enjoying success, the disruptive forces of change can deliver a knockout blow at a moment’s notice. To win today, you need to embody creativity and innovation. There’s just no room for complacency.

Take a good look in the mirror and examine your own business. Are your products and services me-too commodities, or are they truly differentiated? Is there an opportunity to inject new thinking in either form or function to set the new standard?

Imagine there’s a Nest equivalent in your own industry – some upstart that’s just about to shatter the mold and reinvent the business. Now imagine that you are that disruptor. What would you do differently? How would you take on the sleeping giants? How could you apply creativity to your product, process, or communication to rock the very foundation of your field?

In today’s competitive environment, staying the course is the kiss of death. Nest disrupted thermostats; what will you choose to do in your industry? It’s time to sprint toward the future instead of clinging to the past. It’s time to imagine what’s possible, instead of just what is. It’s time to turn up the heat.

Oh wait… my Nest just did that for me.

In 2005, I found myself in a very desirable position. I had started a company from scratch six years before, and I was delighted to see it achieve some real success. ePrize had become the dominant player in the online promotions industry, organizing sweepstakes and loyalty programs for clients like Coca-Cola, Disney, P&G, adidas and Microsoft.

But then something happened confirming my worst, unspoken fears. A new company entered the promotions business, and our market position was threatened. Every time we tried to land a new client, our rival won the business by underpricing us and offering more sophisticated solutions. They seemed to have come up with a secret way of winning at lower cost yet with higher efficiency and more creativity. They stole our clients, as if by magic. My nightmare had come true.

I knew right away that our new rival, Slither Corporation, was out to kill us. Soon, they were bigger than us, they moved faster, and – though I hated to admit it – they seemed smarter. They never had a down quarter. They appeared unbeatable.

It was inevitable – Slither was going to eat our lunch. Unless we upped our game, and out-Slithered Slither.

But here’s the thing. The Slither Corporation doesn’t actually exist. I made them up. Slither is our fictive nemesis, our imaginary bad guys. To defeat comfort and complacency, I decided that our team needed a wake-up call, so I launched our make-believe competitor at the point we felt unstoppable. The goal: to ensure that we stayed at peak performance, remained humble, and pushed our creative boundaries.

Rather than battling a poorly performing company to make us feel good about ourselves, Slither was launched to fictitiously undercut our prices, steal our customers, compete more efficiently than seemed possible, and, all the while, enjoy margins that made us green with envy.

Slither became a key part of our culture. We intercepted internal memos from Slither that gave us insight into their strategy. Our team members were asked questions such as, “What’s the one thing that your counterpart at Slither does better than you?” Slither even invaded our company one day, dressed in costumes that represented the opposite of our cultural values.

In today’s challenging times, you probably have real competitors to worry about. But inventing your own ideal enemy and then thinking deeply about how to conquer them can be a powerful technique to drive change and innovation. It will help you focus on the possibilities and remove internal political cloudiness.

Unleash your own fictitious archenemy, and use it as a platform for reinvention. It will help you challenge yourself to reach new heights, drive urgency, and unlock new ideas. This imaginary battlefield will better equip you to win at the real thing.

Throughout my career, my favorite saying has always been: “Someday, a company is going to come along and put us out of business. It might as well be us.” Creating your own version of Slither will help you do just that. Disrupt or be disrupted.

When Darth Vader tried to persuade young Skywalker to join the dark side, it wasn’t a very compelling proposition. Who wants to wear black, talk weird, and live like a monster? If the dark side were that unappealing, it would be easy to say no.

But that’s not what modern-day darkness looks like at all. Instead it is shiny, juicy, and tempting. It comes perfectly packaged and marketed directly to our soft spots. That delicious candy bar or cheeseburger that poisons your body and robs your vitality. The expensive handbag that you have to have, but only drives you deeper into debt after momentary pleasure. That relationship that’s all surface and no substance.

In fact, the dark side looks anything but dark. It is appealing in every way and is designed to test you. Anyone can say no to living in a cave. It’s much harder to say no to the illustrious temptations that adeptly lure you in to their evil grips.

It often comes down to small choices. Should you watch trash reality TV or read something inspiring? Should you hit the bar or hit the gym? Should you perpetuate a relationship that provides nothing more than momentary indulgences or seek a partner that helps you reach the next level?

At nearly every turn you’ll face scrumptious temptations. The good news is that you get to make each choice along the way. Momentary pleasure or sustainable fulfillment. The easy thing or the right thing. Darkness or light.

If you think about it, your life becomes simply the product of all the choices you make. How important is it to achieve your full potential? To fulfill your long-term dreams? To make your biggest possible impact?

If you prioritize true fulfillment, you’ll have to make some tough choices along your journey. You’ll need to have the strength to say no to overwhelming temptation in order to say yes to your real calling. Here in 2012, we don’t conquer evil with light sabers. Today your weapon is purpose, passion, and commitment. You’ll win the fight with inner focus rather than outer strength.

The dark side is only getting more alluring. Which means your commitment to excellence is needed more than ever. Don’t be outsmarted by the hollow temptress. Stand firm in your place of power and watch these enticing shams crumble into dust.

As the dark side becomes yummier, it’s time for you to strengthen your resolve.

Master Yoda will be proud.

When the space shuttle takes off, it burns two-thirds of its fuel in the first 20 minutes. The remaining supply is ample for up to two weeks of continued flight. It takes tremendous force to bust through the gripping constraints of gravity.

When you embark on your own journey, gravity has the same impact. Launching a business, writing a book, completing medical school, or rebuilding broken communities can be daunting tasks. Unless your only dream is to get a tan and hit the mall, you’ll be faced with an intense gravitational pull designed to hold you back. It’s there to test your resolve and give you an opportunity to show how much you really want it.

So how can you slay this dragon? Having studied elite leaders in many disciplines, I’ve noticed some common threads. Here’s how the most successful people slingshot Newton’s law into the stratosphere, and what you can do to defy gravity:

1. Purpose – Start with “why.” Having a purpose that is consistent with your values and overall life-plan will become your North Star. It will help you persist in the darkest hours of your journey, and help you enlist the help of others when you share it freely.

2. Vision – Imagine trying to do a 1000 piece puzzle without looking at the box cover. Ouch. Having a clear picture in your mind of your desired outcome will enable you to manifest it efficiently.

3. Focus – An ancient Chinese proverb states, “Chase two rabbits and both will escape.” It’s easy to get distracted, but those who achieve the most are able to lock their sights with laser-beam accuracy on their vision and purpose.

4. Discipline – This isn’t the easy part and it’s what most often separates champions from also-rans. The bottom line: if you behave with relentless commitment, your odds of success increase geometrically. This means daily habits that crescendo into your big goal. Through grit and determination, your potential is nearly limitless.

5. Creativity – In today’s world of dizzying speed and exponential complexity, you’ll need to continuously adapt and refine your plan. Creativity will be your most powerful weapon in conquering adversity. You must constantly challenge conventional wisdom and remain obsessed with finding better ways to run your race.

The good news is that once you blast through life’s gravitation pull, your momentum will ease the struggle. After putting some early points on the board, you’ll build a reservoir of confidence that will boost your resolve when challenges emerge.

Human beings have figured out how to fly airplanes faster than the speed of sound, build 160-story skyscrapers, and land rovers on Mars. You have enormous opportunity to defy gravity and seize your own dreams, no matter how lofty they may be. It all begins with a single spark of gravity-defying effort.

Let the countdown begin.

The ultra-premium and highly-coveted high heel designer Christian Louboutin has been racing the hearts of fashionistas for over 20 years. One of the most sought-after and expensive shoes in the world, they are a symbol of design, beauty, and luxury.

They are also incredibly distinctive.

The sole of every single Louboutin shoe is painted bright red. Pantone 187C to be exact. Every boot, pump, stiletto, and mid-height is adorned with this brilliant red color. While high-fashion designers routinely copy each other’s ideas, Louboutins have captured the hearts (and wallets) of the luxe crowd around the world because they are unique. Special. Different. Remarkable.

At up to $1800 a pair, I’m sure the quality is good and the assembly is professional. But that’s not what women buy… women buy that alluring red sole. That’s what Louboutin is known for. It’s what makes his shoes distinctive.

Volvo is known for safety. Wal-Mart is known for everyday low prices. BB King is known for making the blues pour directly from his soul into his guitar. Now I’m sure Volvo also offers great performance and BB King can play Country Western if he really wants to. But the most powerful brands in the world – both businesses and personal brands – stand for one thing: They own their category. They are truly distinctive.

What’s the one thing your company stands for? If you stand for great service, low prices, fantastic quality, speedy delivery, stylish design and being environmentally friendly… you actually stand for nothing. You customers, team, and partners won’t understand your true value proposition. By trying to be all things to everyone, you’ll end up lacking definition and delighting no one.

In today’s cutthroat world, your personal brand needs distinction too. Steven Colbert is hilarious and compelling because he is distinctive. His character mocks the droves of blowhard pundits, and we all love him for doing it relentlessly. For the last seven seasons, he stays true to his single, distinctive, authentic character, which is why he’s irresistible.

Too often, power brands reach too far and end up diluting their message rather than bolstering it. They launch products or services into categories that undermine their distinction, and end up jumping the shark rather than driving real results.

In a time when we all want to stand for so many things, choosing your single point of distinction can be more difficult than solving quadratic equations. But doing the hard work of simplifying your message into its most powerful core will end up driving incredible results. You’ll blast through the noise, while your competitors are tripping over their 47 “unique” value propositions.

Whether it’s for yourself or your organization, cut away the waste and narrow your pitch to a single sentence. Think of yourself as a sculptor chiseling away at the excess rock to reveal your masterpiece underneath. The clearer you can make your single point of distinction, the closer you’ll get to seizing your full potential. And that’ll really get your competition seeing red. Pantone 187C to be exact.

I’ve noticed more and more that the competitors in most industries are nearly indistinguishable. I honestly can’t tell you the last place I filled up my car with gas, the last brand of cheese I purchased, or the brand of my wireless router. From credit card companies to soft drinks to mutual funds, so many products and services are swimming in a sea of sameness.

Those that try to appeal to everyone end up delighting no one. What’s the point of going to market if you can’t stand for something? Most brands are like needy teenagers, desperately trying to blend in with the crowd. In turn, we care little about the companies we support and often make decisions based on who has the best deal-of-the-day since true differentiation is nonexistent.

And then there’s Kulula Airlines, a South African discount flight provider. In an industry where even the peanuts are identical from carrier to carrier, Kulula stands out with a personality cleverer than Conan O’Brien. Check out some pictures of their planes:

How fun, right? But it isn’t just about paint – their edgy brand personality permeates the entire organization. For example, here are some actual comments heard over the PA system on Kulula flights:

“Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”

After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”

Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of Kulula Airways.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light ‘em, you can smoke ‘em.”

To Kulula, this stuff isn’t just marketing hyperbole. It’s WHO they are. It is their culture and personality; an authentic message about having fun and not taking themselves too seriously. And as a result, they stand apart from all the other nameless, faceless airlines. They dared to be different. They let their creativity shine. Their imagination is viewed as jet fuel to success rather than a liability that must be controlled.

What’s your brand personality? The world has become too competitive not to have something that’s worth talking about. If you or your company has the personality of a pet rock, it’s time to shake things up.  If you don’t, your competitors surely will.

Question of the week: If you could change five things about your brand, messaging (both internal and external), positioning, or approach… what would you do differently?

Bonus question: Can you really afford not to make these changes?

Imagine you had the challenge of inventing a better mousetrap. Literally. A typical brainstorm session may yield incremental improvements in the spring on a mousetrap, or the bait, or the construction materials.

The whole essence of igniting your curiosity is to question and challenge everything. Why does a mousetrap need to use a spring at all? What other ways are there to catch a mouse? How could a mouse be contained in a completely different way?

The more radical you allow your curiosity to wonder, the better. “What if we pumped water into the house and filled the entire house in order to flood the mice out?” This type of breakthrough thinking is exactly what you should seek. Of course you would not actually ruin an entire house with water, but perhaps you’d invent a mousetrap that catches mice in a water-based trap. The essence is to push yourself and your team outside of normal boundaries and let your imagination run wild. You can always tame it back later as needed.

Best-selling author and professor of psychology at the University of Chicago Mihalyi Czikszentmihalyi said, “Creativity generally involves crossing the boundaries of domains. The most creative among us see relationships the rest of us never notice.”

True originality has never emerged from a formula. Rules are precisely what innovators and other paradigm shifters break. And to reach these new heights of creativity, let an unbridled sense of curiosity and awareness serve as your building blocks.

The old expression, “Curiosity killed the cat” couldn’t be more useless and out of date. A more appropriate phrase in light of today’s global business climate would be, “A lack of curiosity killed the cat”, or, “Curiosity helped the cat catch the mouse.”

Especially with your new patent-pending, revolutionary, groundbreaking water-based mousetrap.