‘The Stranger’ vs. ‘Higher Love’

I’ve been thinking a lot about the two competing forces inside each of us: our higher self and our lower self.

Our higher self is the person we want to be. It’s defined by admirable characteristics: compassion, kindness, patience, generosity, empathy, and warmth.

Our lower self has all the things that pull us away from our higher self, like fear, jealousy, anger, impatience, and selfishness.

I’ve been trying to be really intentional about which of these forces I choose in different circumstances.

How will I respond when I lose a business deal? When my kids are on my nerves? When I’m taking the stage for a keynote?

I’m trying to make a conscious decision before proceeding… “which version of myself will I bring to this moment?”

I’m not perfect and have made the wrong choice too many times. But I’m now making a very deliberate effort and being intentional about it. 

I’m finding a few simple tactics help make that choice a little easier:

• The Tactical Pause. Just one deep breath. It’s often just enough time to stop “The Stranger” from grabbing the microphone and allows the higher self to step in.
• The Pre-Decision. Trying to decide in advance what my higher self looks like in common-friction moments. For example: “When a deal is lost, my higher self is curious and resilient, not angry or defeated.”
• The Physical Cue. Sometimes just unclenching my jaw or relaxing my shoulders is a physical signal to my brain to switch tracks from the lower self to the higher one.

I’m reminded of two songs that left a mark on me growing up.

The first is Billy Joel’s “The Stranger.” It’s a song about the hidden, masked parts of ourselves. “Well, we all have a face that we hide away forever.” That, to me, is the lower self.

The second is Steve Winwood’s “Higher Love.” It’s an anthem for something better. “Think about it, there must be higher love, down in the heart or hidden in the stars above. Without it, life is wasted time.” That’s the higher self.

We all have both songs on our internal playlists. The real work is consciously deciding which one to turn up.