Stop Apologizing
Steve Jobs was flawed. Serena Williams has soft spots in her tennis game. Even Brad Pitt has bad hair days. No matter how successful, powerful, or good-looking, all of the people we admire most have at least some deficiencies.
If we can accept that industry titans and Olympic athletes have flaws, why is it so difficult to accept our own? Our knees buckle from the unyielding pressure to be perfect at everything, and then we hide in shame when we can’t live up to these wildly unrealistic expectations.
You may be a math whiz and a great conversationalist but stink at oil painting. Or perhaps you are a brilliant sales rep and a giving parent but can’t hit a golf ball farther than six feet. Instead of beating yourself up for all the things you’re not, it’s time to start celebrating all the things you are.
In fact, the most successful people focus relentlessly on their strengths. They readily admit their shortcomings and devote their time to improving what they’re best at instead of trying to “correct” other areas of their lives.
In my hometown of Detroit, we have suffered overwhelming setbacks over the last three decades. As a one-industry town, the economy crumbled when the automotive sector took a nosedive. Population dwindled, the tax base dried up, crime increased, and our community was spinning with hopelessness and despair. We’ve been apologizing for years like a guilty child sentenced to 20 minutes in time-out.
But today, Detroit’s pulse has returned and we are coming out of the ICU. To be sure, there are still many challenges and obstacles to conquer, but this city is rising from the ashes and dead-focused on a bright future. The economy is diversifying, downtown residential occupancy is sky-high, and the swing of hammers restoring our buildings can be heard for miles.
Why the turnaround? There are many factors driving our reinvention, including passionate business leaders who have the courage to invest ahead of the curve. But I’ve seen something special from a front row seat. I’ve noticed a renewed sense of pride and optimism. A self-reliance and scrappiness that’s true to our heritage. A palpable sense of grit and determination.
Core to this new vibe is that we’ve stopped apologizing for what we’re not and started celebrating what we are. We’ve had enough of comparing ourselves to others and began the hard work of rebuilding both our confidence and our city. I wholeheartedly believe that we’re in the midst of the greatest urban turnaround story in American history, and this resiliency is being driven in a most unapologetic fashion.
Our city will once again become a beacon of opportunity by deeply connecting with our inherent strengths. The same can happen for you.
No more crying in your soup about your shortcomings. It’s time to double down every ounce of energy on your strengths and leap into action. No more cowering in the corner. Stop apologizing and start soaring.
This essay betrays a misunderstanding of the role and power of apology. Individuals or institutions are never called to apologize for lack of perfection; when they do, the apology is properly seen as an expression of humility. A proper apology is required when there is a victim. When Steve Jobs bullies an underling, an apology is in order. When Serena Williams (or was it Venus?) curses an official, an apology is in order. In short whenever a person with power and privilige abuses one with less, an apology levels the playing field. Apology properly understood is nothing less than the redistribution of privilige.
“At every moment you are rich in something” ~Alan Cohen
This is what I got out of this article, I do my best at what I know and if I am taught a better way of doing something I am very grateful to the teacher who teaches me. I know from experience that when I do not fair to ones expectations they are critical and instead of focusing on my positives they focus on how it is all wrong. I enjoy giving my best and if that’s not good enough for you or the corporation, then get someone else for the job, because I don’t want to apologize for doing the best I can at what I know at that time. I learn I move on, and learn more. Peace.
Very inspiring! Go Detroit>…
Very inspiring! Go Detroit
Thank you Josh for another insightful blog post. Following a long period of self-assessment, I recently made a change to a professional path I was soon to jump to. My self-assessment revealed more than my constant impulse to do more, do better, achieve more and greater – which is textbook for those who’ve faced the challenges as I. Reflection also revealed just how ungrateful I am about my own abilities, intellect and contributions. While I whole heartedly agree we must remain humble, observant, conscientious and courteous, I also agree some of us absolutely need to Stop Apologizing, Start Appreciating, and Stand Strong for what we know, believe in and who we are. A balance of strength, courage and wisdom prevails.
I had a chocolate deficiency, so I had a few cacao smoothies today
It’s all fixed now! (cacao is rich in magnesium)
Great post, very true. A lot is happening and the business environment is cycling back to a smaller, more local, greener and smarter method of doing business.
It’s going to suck for big businesses (overall) but is great for entrepreneurs as a whole because there are more opportunities open up to server your local community.
I think the world is best and most beautiful when we can serve those around us and truly go to bed with a deep sense of fulfillment.
I think sometimes entrepreneurs lose sight of what’s really important, and that is service.
Service is the outpouring of our value on a daily basis, if we are not serving our value is trapped inside of us and we feel unfulfilled.
Looking forward to seeing how this next wave & cycle of economic change and breaking (remolding) holds for Detroit as well as the country and world as a whole.
A lot of great things coming for those who are ready and are already serving and extending their service.
Cheers!
David King