How Can I Help?

We walk into a negotiation thinking, what’s my bottom line?

We go to a networking event wondering, who can I meet that will help my career?

We start a sales call focused on what can I get from this deal?

Our default setting is often tuned to the frequency of “get.” It’s a transactional, self-focused approach that feels like the quickest path to a win.

But what if the most powerful path to success wasn’t about getting at all? What if it was unlocked by four simple, disarming words?

How can I help?

Imagine these four words as the first question on a sales call. The last question at the end of every conversation. A guiding question for how we serve our family, company, and community.

Counterintuitively, these four words are one of the most effective ways to drive results for you. They instantly shift the dynamic from a transaction to a relationship, changing your posture from a beggar, with hands out, to a giver, with hands open.

They move the focus from me to we.

Genuinely asking “How can I help?” opens a door to uncover unmet needs, build deep-seated trust, and discover opportunities that a self-focused mindset would have missed.

It’s a fundamental shift from being self-focused to other-focused.

Switching that lens—from what we can gain to how we can contribute—reveals the kinds of opportunities and creative solutions that a self-focused view simply cannot see.