Happy “Deep Listening Month”

I’m declaring December “Deep Listening Month.”

There’s no better time to embrace this practice. As we wrap up 2025, firm up our plans for 2026, and spend quality time with family and friends, the quality of our attention matters more than ever.

Research suggests that most of us dramatically overestimate our listening capabilities: while 96% of people rate themselves as superior listeners, we retain only about 50% of what is said to us immediately after hearing it.

We’re missing half the conversation.

To understand why, we have to look at the three levels of listening.

First, there is Poor Listening. This is the default state for many. We are physically present but mentally elsewhere—checking phones, scanning the room, or thinking about what we’re going to say when it’s our turn to speak.

Next, there is Active Listening. This is a massive improvement. It involves engagement, eye contact, and mirroring back data. But even Active Listening has a ceiling. It is often a technique we perform rather than a state we embody.

The highest state is Deep Listening.

Deep Listening isn’t about being a detective or hunting for clues. It is an act of surrender.

It is about total presence and the reduction of ego. It requires you to empty your mind of your own agenda so you can be fully there to truly witness another person.

The Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh defined deep listening as the practice of listening with a single purpose: to help the other person empty their heart.

He attributed enormous weight to this discipline, teaching that it holds the power to relieve the suffering of another person—and often, our own.

In a professional setting, this “suffering” often manifests as the friction of a misunderstood strategy or the quiet resentment of an ignored stakeholder. By listening to relieve that pressure, we don’t just solve problems; we honor the people behind them.

But how do we achieve this state of selflessness?

The humanistic philosopher Erich Fromm, in his work The Art of Listening, viewed listening as an art form that demands a fundamental shift in our character.

Here are Fromm’s 6 steps to Deep Listening:

1. Complete Concentration. There is no such thing as multitasking in deep listening. If your phone is out, or if you are mentally writing an email, the connection is broken. Be here, nowhere else.
   
   
2. Freedom from Anxiety and Greed. Fromm warns against “conversation greed”—the selfish desire to seize the spotlight, win the argument, or rush the meeting. Deep listening requires generosity, not conquest.
   
   
3. A Freely-Working Imagination. Don’t just process the words as abstract data. Use your imagination to visualize what the other person is describing. See their reality as vividly as a film.
   
   
4. Capacity for Empathy. Empathy isn’t just an intellectual exercise; it is an emotional one. Try to feel the weight of their experience as if it were your own.
   
   
5. The Ability to “Lose Oneself.” This sounds intimidating, but it simply means lowering your defenses. You have to be willing to let go of your title, your stance, and your ego long enough to fully enter someone else’s world.
   
   
6. Understanding as Love. Fromm argues that you cannot truly understand someone if you view them clinically. Effective listening requires a baseline of genuine care for the human being across from you.

This December, practice Deep Listening—not just for others, but for your own happiness, too.